Been pretty out of whack since everything that's happened with the new job. Hence, it has been difficult to sit down and acknowledge that I am back at the beginning. I have to do that now. Things around me are generally looking up, and I am hoping some of that positive energy will sneak into my brain. I don't know why, but I cannot seem to get it together, and maintain a solid outlook on my situation. Sometimes I feel completely helpless and out of control, and others I feel pretty sure I'm going to pull through this and make it to the other side. Right now, I'm kind of in the middle. I have so much support and there are an infinite number of possibilities for me out there. The problem is, nabbing one of those possibilities is kind of... impossible, like catching up to a spaceship that's permanently stuck on Ludicrous Speed. And I'm slow enough as it is.
I think part of the problem is assigning blame, and figuring out if I really can do that to anyone or anything. Is there something more I should be doing? Any harder that I should be working? Or is it truly the state of our nation's economy, and the shockingly small number of teaching positions available that has me stuck in this limbo? I am not new to this, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Man, do I wish I could be grading papers or figuring out a 4th grade math lesson right now. Or even better, adding a mountain of books to my classroom library and contemplating buying super-cheap portable CD players on Ebay to complement my growing audiobook collection. OH! What about buying an arsenal of Kindles (nevermind that I am a print girl, through and through) for the Reading Resource staff to use in tutoring sessions or during extended day programs. Just to be on a faculty list somewhere...sigh. A girl can dream.
I have so much I want to share, and I hope that one day soon I will get my chance. If I'm honest, I don't require much more than that from my life. Teacher. Writer. Eventual Mom. And if there's time (and money), Occasional World Traveler. :)
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