How Louis Armstrong Taught Me to Chill

Well, I'm still alive and I managed to get through this day without making a fool of myself. Put a couple of points on the board for me! Make no mistake though, I'm still terrified of what the coming weeks will bring me.

As for today, I was pleased to know that I will be granted a slow and steady pace. My cooperating teacher, Mrs. B. helped me to set up a schedule in which I will gradually be taking over lessons. Not quite the "throw the new girl in and lock the door" situation that I'd been imagining. The rest of this week, I'll be observing Mrs. B. as she goes through her day-to-day routines, and then next week, I'll begin reading aloud to the students and working with them on their daily journal topics. The fact that Mrs. B. and I had been corresponding for the past 9 months, along with the few days I spent in her classroom prior to today, really helped me feel more at ease. As for the kids, well, third graders generally aren't a very clique-y group just yet, and their immediate acceptance and love is something that I wish the world could emulate. Needless to say, I'm adoring all of the unsolicited hugging, and enthusiastic calls of "Hi Mrs. C!" that I've gotten throughout the day.

Not that this class will be without challenges. There are four third-grade classrooms in my school, and it seems that the whole group is particularly chatty, disruptive, and lacking in social skills. Mrs. B. has made it no secret that this class is one to be reckoned with, and that I will have to take a firm stand with them. I'm not sure what kind of disciplinarian I will make, but I guess I'm going to have to work on my stern face. Ugh..maybe a Darth Vader mask would strike more fear into their little hearts? I have very little faith that I will every create an acceptable stern face...even though I've seen many, much too many of them in my experiences as a child.

On a more specific first day note, the students started a reading unit on a biography of Louis Armstrong today. This might just be a sign that I've chosen the right path in life. Yes, I am a total NERD for Louis Armstrong. And yes, I did tell Mrs. B., who encouraged me to bring in music, AND the picture book I bought my nephew for Christmas, When Louis Armstrong Taught Me Scat by Muriel Harris Weinstein. How freakin' perfect is that? It will be so much fun to read that book full of skikitty scat rhymes to a room of eager students.

Call me crazy (and I would completely endorse you if you did), but I think Louis is trying to convey a message with his presence on my first day in the classroom. One that is probably truly appropriate, given my tendency to stress over the things I'm stressing about under a cloud of excessive worry.

I heard it loud and clear while the kids practiced their vocabulary words, and Mrs. B. played Louis' voice softly through her speakers:

"Be cool, little mama, be cool. Everything's gonna be alright."

The Inaugural Panic Post or I Start Student Teaching Tomorrow

I've started this blog mostly because I've always wanted to, but was never really sure how to begin or what to say. Well, let's begin, I guess, at the beginning.

I hope that this will be a multi-purpose space. One that will allow me to chronicle my adventures in student teaching (which starts tomorrow..yikes!), scribble out random story ideas that pop into my head, and discuss the chaos that is the worlds of publishing and education with anyone who will have me. It is my hope that this blog will help me to strengthen my writing, connect with other literary nerds, and keep track of any other bits and bobs that are knocking around in my head.

What happens to be zooming around in there tonight is the fact that I START STUDENT TEACHING TOMORROW! As you can tell, I'm slightly panicked about this. Everyone from my classmates, to my teachers, to my family say that it's perfectly natural to feel this way. That it's OK to freak out. The thing is, I know it's OK to freak out, I just don't like doing it.

I want to be in control and I want to feel confident that I will walk into that classroom and do everything right the first time. I do not feel prepared in the least bit. Now, don't get me wrong, I've worked in situations with children before, and I'm even satisfied with some of the lessons I've planned over the past few semesters. I know that they would work in the classroom.

What I am not prepared for is the reality of the classroom. Behavior problems, time management, having a back-up plan for your back-up plan. I mean, it's ridiculous, right? I've studied for the past year-and-a-half on how to be an effective teacher, and I'm STILL terrified of being put in charge of 25 third-graders. I keep visualizing the room as a mud pit, one that I won't be able to pull myself out of if the kids throw me something that I really don't know how to handle. There are a million what-if's roaming through my brain right now, and I don't think I can address them without short-circuiting my brain. I mean, what if my lessons don't work as well as I think they should? What if I suck at time and classroom management? What if the kids organize such a fantastic mutiny that it'll leave me crouched in a corner, crying and pulling my hair out?

No matter how much I study, I don't think I'll ever be prepared for this. I'll just try to take it one day at a time, always remembering that there's a place to go home to with books to read, movies to watch, and a husband that (for some unknowable reason) loves me.

I just have to remember that this teaching gig is what I've always wanted (aside from traveling to Europe), and that every day I get a brand-new chance to share my love of all things literary with students.

Wish me luck. Tomorrow I will be armed with enthusiasm, the willingness to learn, and my limited teaching knowledge. Erm...maybe I should bring a battering ram, just in case?